Embrace the Suck

I really like backpacking. Going out on the trail for a few days at a time where the only things you have to ensure your survival are the things on your back and in your hands is something I really enjoy. I find the solitude and simplicity of the trail soothing. Knowing that my existence depends solely on the choices I've made and will make is empowering. It speaks to a deep need in my soul.

In addition to the enjoyment from being out on the trail, I also really, really look forward to coming home. Yes, of course I look forward to seeing my family again, but I'll admit that I also am excited to re-enter my cocoon of comfort.

I can lift a knob one direction and have clean cool water, then turn that same knob the other direction and have toasty hot water. Pressing a few buttons will heat my food. Turning another knob will flush my poop. It's down right luxurious.

The problem is that it's too luxurious. All of the modern conveniences that we've acquired to make life easy have done just that. We've gotten that which we've worked so hard to get. A life of ease.

Is it what you had hoped for? Truthfully, I'm a bit disillusioned. Looking back on it, I'm glad that my childhood was a bit rough and that I had the struggles that I did. Sure, my struggles weren't as bad as other people's was, but everyone's story is going to be different. My struggles are what produced the greatest growth in me and what fuel me today.

As a dad, I want to see that same growth in my kids. I want them to become resilient and tough. I want them to be capable at dealing with the challenges that life throws at them. I want them to struggle. If they're not struggling, then they're not growing.

The question is, "How?"

How can I make my kids struggle AND be a loving, caring father? How can I put struggles in front of them that will help them grow and learn? How can I prompt the development of strength in my kids in a way that is positive and constructive?

The answer is: I have no idea.

I don't think that there is one answer or solution to this question. I think that we, as fathers, have to be tuned in to our kids in a way that enables us to notice when they're struggling with something or are weak in some area that we can help them grow in.

We also need to be willing to watch them struggle. We have to stand back and not solve their problems for them. Now, I'm not telling you to be negligent or let your kids get hurt, but you've got to let them make mistakes and figure things out. You've got to let them learn to adapt and overcome.