Set Expectations

"How many times do I have to tell you to not leave your shoes at the bottom of the steps! AAAaaargh!"

The steps to our upstairs is right by the front door and the kids are constantly leaving their shoes scattered about on the floor there. If you're not careful stepping off the stairs, you're as likely to end up twisting your ankle as not. It's infuriating to me and an unnecessary risk.

Right after the words "How many times..." left my mouth, I instantly knew that the situation was ultimately my fault. I had told them many, many times to put their shoes away and it still wasn't happening. Sure, I had complained and nagged, but that's not the same as setting expectations.

When you set expectations with your kids, you let them know what sort of behavior you expect from them and what they should expect from you in return. It's a two-way street. I expect my kids to put their shoes away. If they don't, then they have to interrupt whatever they're doing to come put their shoes away and do an increasing number of pushups each time.

Setting expectations does a lot of good for both you and your kids. It makes your kids responsible for their choices and the consequences of those choices and it also frees you from being the angry tyrant dispensing justice on a whim. If your kid knows what the standard is, he can perform up to it. Whether or not the standard is met is up to your kid, not you.

Getting angry at your kids is a great red flag that you can use to identify areas of your relationship with them where setting expectations can help. It's not an instant fix that's going to resolve behavioral issues over night. But it is the first step in getting your kids to develop good habits.