I'm going to skip right past talking about why a father should teach his son to be a sheepdog and instead focus on how a father can teach his son to become a sheepdog. Unfortunately, there isn't a lesson plan to go by. You can't follow 12 easy steps to achieve this goal. The sheepdog mentality is one that takes time and opportunity to develop. What we can do, however, is identify the values and characteristics of the sheepdog mentality so that we can be alert to them in our sons and be ready to encourage the development of those traits in their lives. Aggression While it may seem that aggression is a characteristic that should be discouraged in boys, I whole heartedly disagree and, in fact, believe that it should instead be nurtured and cultivated. Aggression is a tremendous motivator and an effective tool in accomplishing difficult tasks. Boys should be taught to leverage their natural tendency towards aggression and in which conditions their aggression is helpful and beneficial not only for their own interests, but in the interests of others in their community. Employing aggression without cause or for selfish reasons is clearly not the goal here. That's the path of the wolf. However, if only wolves know how to use aggression, then the sheep and sheepdogs have already lost. So how can you teach your son to be aggressive? You're going to have to pay attention to him and watch for that spark. Keep in mind that aggression can be displayed in many ways other than just physical violence. Usually, the first signs of aggression are shown verbally. You have to look for those moments when your son starts speaking confidently and with authority. Look for when he takes risks and steps up to a challenge. Maybe it's about video games. Maybe it's about baseball. Maybe it's about a book. Each boy has something that he's good at or knows a lot about. Something that stirs his desire to prove himself. When you see it, you've got to seize the moment. You've got to encourage him to show his knowledge or skill. Commend him when he accepts your challenge. Motivate him to accomplish his goals. Afterwards, take the time to talk about what happened. Be sure to recognize his display of aggression and encourage him to do it again. Talk about the situation and the conditions in which being aggressive is good and necessary. Begin now teaching your son to become familiar and comfortable with his aggressive nature and when it's ok to be aggressive. Protection Both wolves and sheepdogs should be aggressive. It's the application of that aggression that differentiates the two. A wolf uses aggression to feed himself. A sheepdog uses it to protect the flock. Protection is the characteristic that keeps a boy's aggression pointed in the right direction. It's the guard rails that keep him from crashing. Protection teaches a boy when it's ok use his aggression. The protective response is triggered when your son perceives a threat to the people and things that he considers himself to be responsible for. Intentionally provoking this response would mean making your son think that the people and things he cares about are in danger. This is something that you probably shouldn't do solely for the purpose of teaching. What you can do, however, is to begin cultivating a sense of belonging and ownership in your son. Give him things that he has to work for. Things that he has to earn and work to keep. Encourage him to pull his weight in the family so that he's a part of it. Offer him something to fight for and to defend. This investment will create the bonds that, when threatened, will provoke a protective response. Selflessness
If left unbalanced, aggression and protection will lead a boy down a path that seems like that of a sheepdog, but actually ends in the wolf's den. That sense of ownership and belonging that nurtures protection can lead to self-centered selfishness and a sense of entitlement and of being owed something by the flock that is being protected. Combined with aggression, you've got a recipe for the wolf. You have to teach your son to think and act selflessly. The best way to do this is for you to act selflessly. Put others needs ahead of your own. Sacrifice for other people in ways that your son can observe, learn from, and even join in with you. Setting the example is the most effective ways to teach selflessness. Let me reiterate the importance of including your son in whatever way you choose to serve. Yes, he's going to complain and moan about it. He's going to try to find ways to get out of having to do it. Don't let him. Suffer the dragging feet and moping and complaining. It's worth it. Find a way to volunteer at your church or in your community. Working side by side with your son for the benefit of someone else benefits you, your son and those you serve.
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